Friends come and go in our lives, some more permanent than others but no less important. They come into our lives at all junctures and give us wisdom and lessons that only later can be discerned. As you get older you may start to realize your friend group isn’t as plentiful as it once was. Why is that? I share a theory with many others that we become more selective as we learn and grow into who we are, so then we select our friends very carefully.
Life is precious and so is our time, if goals and ideals no longer align we have no choice but to go our separate ways. On the other side of the coin there are people that remain integral parts of our lives, those are the ones you should look out for. They possess these 5 traits I’m going to mention below. Do you possess the gold standard of friendship? Keep reading to find out. Number 5 is my personal favorite!
Table of Contents
These Are Our 5 Traits
Integrity
Let’s start with the big one: INTEGRITY
Possessing Integrity means being morally responsible and honest. This seems like something that people should inherently possess, right? Not everyone who comes across your path will exude this quality. Outside of most friendships we have other responsibilities: our families for instance. You want a friend that you can trust to uphold a high standard of integrity and morality.
Maybe you take a trip or outing with this person or maybe you want to share secrets or confide in them. Having integrity means they will hold you to your highest form of self and not put you in positions that may compromise your standards. Always look for integrity in a person above all else and you will have a lasting friendship for many years to come and a bond that is kept sacred and true.
Humility
Humility is 2nd on my list for 5 traits to look for in a friend. It means to keep things in perspective on the subject of self. Realizing that being humble and not egocentric is what makes big things happen. Being confident is important, of course and we all strive to have faith in ourselves, but too much of self proclaimed importance and you are faced with arrogance, stubbornness and an unwillingness to see others’ views outside of your own.
How can you have a healthy friendship with someone who becomes egocentric or worse narcissistic? Falling in love with their own reflection. Placing yourself in a fragile friendship with someone lacking humility will lead you into a life of keeping up with the Jones’ or worse having an inauthentic relationship with yourself and others. Avoid a person without humility at all costs. It will damage your reality of the important things in life.
Emotional Intelligence
Now friends, this one takes some years of practice and not everyone you meet in life will immediately possess this important quality. That’s ok. We are always growing and evolving as we get older and seek within ourselves to understand who we truly are. When you start doing this introspective work the results will follow, leading to emotional intelligence.
Understanding why we feel certain emotions and how we deal with those feelings is the key to knowing yourself fully. You may meet someone who has the above mentioned qualities but may need a little work here. It’s ok to help someone see through their emotions and triggers and what those feelings really mean so you may help them to heal those old wounds. Many people come into your life to teach you lessons and help you grow. Help someone understand their hearts true desires and you have a friend for life. Emotional intelligence is crucial for wisdom and growth.
Honesty
I think we can all agree honesty is the golden policy when going into any new friendship or to keep an old friend close for a long time. Our culture and values depend on it. Sometimes insecurities can creep up without us even realizing we are not being totally honest with ourselves or our dearest friends. Maybe you come into a scenario where your friend is making a decision you don’t agree with or compromises their growth or integrity. You can keep your relationship honest by addressing this when you see it happening.
Maybe addressing the dishonesty puts you at odds with a friend for seeing what they are not able to at the moment. In the long run it benefits the health of your friendship and it is imperative that you keep lines of communication open for both you and your friend when you see someone veering from their path. They won’t stay mad forever and you may just save them from making a mistake that would cost them in the long run. You’re not a bad friend for holding others to their highest standards. This is what, in my opinion, separates the acquaintances from a true friend.
Self-Love
Just as we mentioned with Emotional Intelligence, self love is a deep rooted system that can take many years to master. In fact, some will tell you it is a lifelong journey. It is nonetheless very important to find a friend or help your friend decode the importance of Self Love. So many variables in life can play a role in finding self acceptance, many traumas or life experiences that can lead someone astray and forget who they are. We are all pure love and when we realize this about ourselves the impact is infectious.
The key to knowing yourself is knowing that not everything will be perfect all the time, there will have been mistakes made in the past, there will have been moments when we didn’t love ourselves and deserved better. Self -love comes from deep introspection, forgiveness and acceptance to know that we are whole just as we are. Validating love for ourselves first means we can be of service to others in a pure form that is not self serving or selfish. This is how we change the world, we must change ourselves and find love within.
Maybe while reading this you realize there are some areas you can work on too. As I said before, we are on a constant journey of self-reflection and growth. We can always be better and when we are the best versions of ourselves we find like-minded people who can help us on our journey. These are the friendships you should want to seek out.
For all of my moms out there, teach these golden qualities to your daughters and son’s. We may not be able to stop heartache but we can certainly take action to teach our children who they should want to be and what to look for in friendship and other relationships for that matter. Change starts here with my 5 traits.
Signing Out,
Your Soul Sister,
Gwen